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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?